Recently, my kid and I were talking about school and what his day was like. He told me another kid in his class was making fun of him. I asked him what the boy’s name was, and by the time my kid had gotten that information out I had six or seven solid jokes ready to light someone’s poor child up. When I asked my kid what he responded to the other kid he said, “I just ignored him.” What? Yeah you read that right. He just ignored him. Now, I don’t want to toot my own horn but my kid is pretty incredible, but he did inherit my teeth and full disclosure they are large. I’ll spare you the biology and genetics lesson on why that makes me genetically superior to those with tiny teeth, but its true. So I spent a solid portion of my childhood being called every type of bunny you can imagine. Not for nothing Bugs is undisputedly very cool possible only topped in coolness by Snoopy, but let me focus.

My kid ignored the jokes being cracked on him and went on about his business.

I found this quite shocking. Not because of the level of maturity it takes to ignore someone intentionally messing with you, but because I consider myself a class A jokester. So, to hear my kid did not inherit my ability to get these jokes off was more than disheartening it was almost, dare I say, embarrassing. Save your judgment readers! I am not embarrassed of my kid; I’m embarrassed that I didn’t arm my kid with the ammunition to handle a cap session. To be honest, we crack jokes in my house, in my family, at friends’ homes. It’s a completely normal part of my existence. I assumed my kid would pick it up through osmosis but no, no he didn’t.

Turns out, capping doesn’t hold the same regard it did back in my day. I think they call it bullying today……..but these just jokes, and while bullying can be a real and serious thing. I think getting picked on, to some degree, is character building and important. Disagree if you may, its fine. I don’t care. The moral of this story is my kid cannot cap. He has no jokes for you. None. Nada.

It was at that moment, I realized I dropped the ball and I’m totally failing as a parent.

Failure not being an option I started an intense intro to capping session with the kid. I told him what things to look for when you’re going to go in on someone. Take the most obvious and work that until you can’t anymore. And I gave him the foolproof joke when you are a neophyte to capping. The “ya mama’s mustache” I told him when in doubt whatever someone says to you just reflect back with “….not as (fill in the blank) as ya mama’s mustache.” Ya mama’s beard is also acceptable. It works in every situation especially if you need to build up your arsenal of jokes. The kid disagreed that it worked. I showed him it always works.

“Aww look at ol’ big bunny teeth”

“My teeth ain’t a big as ya mama’s mustache”

“Yo shoes busted.”

“Not as busted as ya mama’s mustache”

“You fat”

“Not as fat as ya mama’s mustache”

You get the point. It’s a great builder joke. You can work that joke until you get your confidence up and learn the methods to get your good jokes off. My kid told me kids don’t make jokes like that for real. He says maybe sometimes, but it’s not a part of their ecosystem. And while I said it clearly is a part of it as some kid was making fun of him. He responded it was only because that kid’s self esteem was lacking and he didn’t feel as smart as some of the rest of his peers. Well, talk about a mood killer.

The thought that kids are not out here capping, playing the dozens, whatever you call it in your region, is heartbreaking. It is part of the culture. Can your feelings get hurt, for sure, will you get over it, more than likely. While I get that making fun of someone isn’t the best way to express yourself. I also love a good joke and if a joke is funny it’s in, at least where I am from. But times change and so goes your mama’s mustache apparently.

Snuka